||Reindeer Games -|
A Letter from Santa
One of the saddest stories at Christmas is how Rudolph, the red-nosed
reindeer, wasn't allowed to join in all the reindeer games. Rudolph
became a hero, but we never actually found out what sort of games are
reindeer games. What kinds of games are they?"
Well, Peter, there are reindeer games, and then there are The Reindeer
Games. It's the difference between playing softball in the park
with your buddies, and participating in the Olympics. Anyone can
play reindeer games any time they want (even if you're not really a
reindeer). But it takes a special sort of deer to have the drive to be
in the Reindeer Games.
Again like the Olympics, there are a number of categories in the Reindeer
Games, but here are some of the most popular:
- LONG JUMP - Since our reindeer can actually fly, you can imagine the
distances we get on this one.
- 100 COUNTRY DASH - Each year, our computers randomly generate a list of
100 countries, and the reindeer see who can get to all of them first.
This year's list of countries included Micronesia, Gabon, Luxembourg and
Fort McMurdo in Antarctica (not technically a country, but thrown in for
the challenge). I personally like this event, because the reindeer often
come back with souvineers for Santa!
- SLEIGH PULLS - This one, of course, makes good sense, since that's what the
reindeer are actually going to be doing, come Christmas Eve. This is a
team event, with 2-deer, 4-deer, and the standard 8-deer setup.
- SWIMSUIT COMPETITION - Ha! Santa's just pulling your leg with this one.
However, we DO have:
- TALENT SHOW - Believe me, you haven't lived until you see an all-reindeer
version of "King Lear." It just chokes me up every time.
- CHIMNEY SLALOM - One of the biggest problems we have on Christmas is
zipping between all those brick chimneys out there. Each year, we set up a
new, randomized course, and the deer flit through it. It's breathtaking.
We also ruin a lot of perfectly good chimneys.
- FIGURE SKATING - Reindeer. Ice Skates. You wouldn't think that it'd work.
But it does!
- LONG-DISTANCE PACKAGE DELIVERY - This is a mixed event, with reindeer and
elves. The elf gets in a single-deer sleigh filled with toys, and the idea
is to see how many toys they can hurl down a chimney from the highest
possible altitude. This takes delicate coordination between the elf and
the deer: the elf's got have dead-on aim, and the deer has to keep the
sleigh high and steady. The highest compliment that you can get in this
game is when you get a toy straight down the chimney without hitting the
brick: "Nothin' But Log."
- SANTA "COMPLIMENTING" - The idea here is to make fun of Santa while making
it sound like you're actually complimenting him. I don't know how this one
- KARAOKE - The only problem here is that the only thing the reindeer want to
sing is ABBA.
Well, that's it Peter. You now know all about The Reindeer Games. Keep
being a good boy and I will visit your home on Christmas eve after you
have gone to bed.